Deja Vu…

A few days back Bangalore Mirror had this cover story about a lady who is being tormented by her husband. She has close to 9 lacs as debts through loans and credit cards. She has a 3 year old boy. Her life is in danger. Her sons life is in danger, as her husband has made threat. he has run away with another woman. Her son does not stay with her as she fears for his life. Her case is in court and has a lot of medical problems, lost the sensation in one of her legs due to the tension. She was a techie when she met her husband. Her parents were against her marriage as they knew he wasn’t right for her.

This could have been my story. Had my bro not told me that I can stay here for as long as I want when I broke down, at my parents home, I probably would have gone back to the sham that was my marriage. I have a debt of 2 lacs which would have been much more had I gone back. If I am home safely without any threat from my husband and his family its only because of my bro. My husband never got along with my bro. It was bro who was with me when I had my final confrontation with my husband, in the background. And I know if he had not been there, my husband would have never let me come back to my parents home and no not because he loves me or my baby. I was his cash cow.

Reading this cover story I sent a prayer of thanks, cause it could have easily been me. My mum also feels the same way. My dad strongly feels that if I am alive and well, its thanks to Guruji and not just luck. Me, I feel blessed!

I have Guruji’s photo hanging in my room. After angel was born, she would look at Guruji’s photo and she would have the brightest smile I have ever seen. She would coo and talk in her own way to the photo. At first I just dismissed it. After all a one month old child cannot really focus. But when it became a regular occurrence, it left me stumped, speechless. Till mum’s friend his devout devotee, told me that a baby is a soul and she has just come from god, his place and therefore she can identify him and talk to him. Bizzare !!!??? TO this day she loves to look at him, at his pic. She always has a smile on her face when she sees him.


Before my angel was born I always wanted my kid to have my husband’s eyes. Today I am glad that she looks nothing like him. When I look at her, I see my grandpa and bro staring back at me. Not just in looks but in aptitude as well. My bro is just like my grandpa, in looks, personality, a mini him. For the longest time I have yearned to know my grandpa, wished that he was alive so that I could get to know him. I have only one grouse in my life that I never got the chance to know him, to feel him. I hate the fact that I don’t remember much about him. I was way too young when he passed away. He was and is still loved and remembered by all. Everybody has fond memoirs of him. Of his gregariousness, his helpful nature, his ability to bring the whole family together. When ever he was around, there would never be a dull moment. Everybody across all ages loved him, adored him and revered him. I miss him soooo much and hate the fact hat I was not given a chance to be with him.

I was 4 when my grandpa passed away. And I have never seen such a huge gathering of people who came to pay their respects. there were reporters with their camera, villagers with their carts full of people. I was awed …wow so many people have come! Mebe thats why I remember this. I have heard so many stories of love, fun and gratitude from relatives, friends and total strangers. And have left this deep emptiness this question why did god have to take him away from us. I always hunger for his stories. Never tire of them, I know dad misses him a lot and don’t ask him too many times.

My angel looks like him. Its uncanny. Her likes and dislikes are so much like my grandpa. My dad just shakes his head and goes just like your bade nana. and my mum goes just like your mama πŸ˜€

A mini mama is what People who have not seen or met my grandpa call my angel. Her likes dislikes are soo much like them. I was thrilled to bits when I realised that she looks like him.

And I cant help but think is this him back? Dare I hope or am I being too filmy?


14 thoughts on “Deja Vu…

  1. No you are not being too filmy. I can understand your feelings so well, recently I have been thinking about how like my father is my brother’s son, looks, attitude…these things are so amazing! You are a brave girl, and not just brave but also a lucky girl, to have such a supportive and loving brother! With best wishes, Indian

  2. Thanks for your wishes Indian, I feel so lucky and blessed. Everyday I send a small prayer of thanks.And to think, my bro and I used to fight like cats and dogs till I got married πŸ™‚

  3. Hi Imp’s mom, Liked reading your posts. Reading about your experiences reminded me of my very dear friend who got separated from her hubby when she was 3 months pregnant, battled for a divorce for 2 whole years n finally got it. Shez staying with her parents now and working n taking care of her kid who is now about 4 yrs old. It takes a lot of courage to get out of a bad marriage, be a single mom, work for a living and maintain a positive attitude. You’ve done all that, so congrats !!! πŸ™‚ Hats off to you !!!

  4. what a heartfelt post! πŸ™‚your ‘I would have seriously thought about wht I want form life when I was in my teens and not a decade later’ on IHM’s page dragged me here cuz I feel the same now that I recently got married. I wasted my teen years just fighting to stop being a girl in parents’ eyes. I am glad to see a very strong woman in you today. Like IHM said ‘thinking’ mother. Much luck to you. πŸ™‚ Regards

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